Excorcist-style Projectile Vomiting

I have so many fun things to blog about that require the uploading of pictures I can't find, and as such, I have no fun things to blog about. More on that later...

However, I have received numerous requests for more posts about baby puke. "Seriously?", you're asking me. Yes. Seriously. Well anyway, ask and ye shall receive.

As you probably already know, I'm a nanny to a 9 month old boy and 3 year old girl. My family was visting recently from Connecticut, and so I took my two charges over to hang out with them while I was working. I was trying to distract the three year old with crafts, while I waited for my mom to get ready to run some errands, and I noticed the baby had put something in his mouth. I fished around in his slobbery pie-hole trying to get it out, but it was long gone. I figured if he was breathing and such, it was all good.

Later in the day (we're talking at least 2 hours), I was feeding him a bottle, when he started to spit up. I cleaned him up, and then continued to feed him. As soon as the bottle was done, his eyes got HUGE, and he proceed to projectile vomit Excorcist-style the entire contents of the bottle he had just eaten, plus I'm pretty sure just about everything he had previously eaten the past 978098 days.

I asked my little brother to grab me a towel, turned the baby to face me to clean him up, at which point he PUKED AGAIN all over me. TWICE. I'm telling you this kid must have a vast and bottomless stomach because we are talking quarts of puke. When he had finished, he just smiled at me, and I noticed something in his teeth. It was a tiny purple star sticker that his sister had been using to make crafts with earlier in the day. SERIOUSLY? I just endured Puke Fest '09 because he ate a tiny sticker the size of a pencil eraser??

It's all fun and games until someone gets doused in baby puke. Remember that.

In which I wax poetic about my daily life

(because writing in haikus makes this less like complaining and more like art)

Being a nanny:
like being a mom, only
totally different

12 long rainy hours
I worked my butt off today
was not very fun

The dog ran away
on our way to the groomer's
it was pouring rain

Baby was screaming
As we searched the neighborhood
But no dog in sight

About to give up
I went back home to check if
he found his way home

The dumb dog was there,
I put him in the car to
head to the groomer's

Kid was still screaming
As the wet dog jumped all over
my poor car's front seat

It's 4 o'clock now
That happened at eleven
Baby cried 5 hours

Plus did I mention,
I have been sick all weekend
Caught it from the kids.

You couldn't pay me
Enough to repeat this day
Ever again, yo.

Word Vomit

Puke. All over. All over me, all over the floor, all over the chair, all over the couch...you get the idea. C (the little boy I nanny for) switched formulas and basically all he does is puke. Lovely, white, cottage-cheesy puke. As I was venturing forth from the puke encrusted living room to change his clothes, the bit of formula that did actually make it through his stomach and into his bowels shot out of his diaper in the form of diarrhea. However, never fear, because I, being super nanny, thought, no problem, I can handle this, I was going to change his clothes anyway. Ta-da! The glass is still half full. I got him cleaned up, and as I was re-dressing him I realized J (his older sister) had not used the big girl potty recently. So I said to her, "Let's go potty!" in my very most faux excited voice, at which point I turned to lay the baby in the middle of bed, and as I turned back around, I saw it. The little yellow trickle of pee. Running down her leg. In slow motion. I bolted across the room in time to move her from carpet to tile, but not quickly enough to stop the massive waterfall of pee that soaked her socks and ran in large puddles all over the floor. But again, the glass being half full, I thought, No problem, I can just throw all this into one big nasty bodily functions (BNBF) load of laundry with C's pukey laundry and it will be all good. I ran her a bath, loaded up the laundry machine, and took her into her bedroom to re-dress her. I laid C on the bed while I was getting new clothes for J, got her all dressed, and turned around to find that C had puked all over J's favorite blankie. The glass is beginning to look distinctly less full. I threw that into the BNBF load of laundry, read her a story, scooped up the baby, and shut her bedroom door. As I was walking back into the kitchen, C puked again. All.over.the.floor. I have to tell you my friends, the glass is not half full. It is not even half empty. It's pretty much like C drank the entire contents of the glass and then puked them all over the floor. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a very large load of laundry to put away.